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The Prophecy
Chapter 1 “It Begins”
In the beginning there will be two tribes. Clique POW
Clique and KappinOnSuckkas. These tribes will
rule the XBL with an Iron fist. After the 3 week war
there will be an awful stalemate and many deaths on both
sides. The two tribes will decide to become one. They
form “The O7AH” No one knows what it really means.
Historians agree that the translation was lost many
years ago. O7AH will be ruled by 3 of the most legendary
warriors ever to wonder the vast countryside of XBL. The
one they call
Compton
will rule mercilessly and create a website so Divine you
must say a special prayer to even log onto it without
your face literally melting off. Next the on they call
PoopsMcGee will be elected to the council. The
giantess giant of all the land. He will be remembered
for killing two Cyclopes with his left thumb. In charge
of all the “Bullshit” he will crush little boys with his
dandruff. Finally there will be the one the call
SteveTAll, God of Halo, and
hero of the children. Protector of Numbers virginity. A
man of steel with a passion for slaying his enemies. The
greatest warrior of every war ever fought. He will kill
an entire battalion of his own men to keep them from
being defeated by his enemies.
Chapter 2 “The loyal Knights”
Once the leaders have been chosen the bravest warriors
from each tribe will be elected to the council. First
the one they call Cowboy. The master of duel
wielding, he will fire more shots than fired in the 5th
and 6th great wars combined. He will be rich
with many lands and it is said that he will bring piece
in the land of the big girls. One of the wisest members
elected to the council will be the one they call
Nomar83. His strateigery and communication will win
more battles than there are stars in the sky.
Humiliating his enemies with witty remarks and
physiological warfare he two rules his lands with an
iron fist. It is said that one day he will rule a
section of the great website for many days.
Chapter 3 “Prophecy of the Skyline”
It is said that after many years the O7AH will do battle
with a smaller tribe known to all as the “Skyline”
Led by the two generals know as “The Gruesome 2 Some”
Skyline will defend its homeland from the invader for
many months. The first general will be the one they call
Cozmo23. He will be remembered for never losing a
battle and the leader of the legendary “SKYLINE AIRFORCE”
with the one they call BoonDockSaint. The other great
leader will be the one they call Shingy. He will
be remembered for taking blame for all battles lost in
the great wars. A master of the Mechanized division he
will slaughter thousands with the Gauss hog. In the end
their will be no winner. The invaders will be unable to
take control of the Skies and roads. And the defenders
will not be able to defeat the enemy. Once again there
will be a great truce and the Skyline will join the O7AH
to save their homeland. Crushed by defeat the gruesome
twosome will chose not to lead men in battle and elect
the one they called JonnySiege to the council of
O7AH. A ruthless warrior and destroyer of threads he
will rule with very weird demands. Though Cozmo23 and
Shingy will not rule in the beginning it is said that
one of them will be elected before the end. Some of the
Skyline will choose not to join. The one they call
Conehead will lead the skyline for many more months.
He two will eventually be forced to surrender and
Compton will believe he has defeated the entire Skyline,
but there are some that wonder the nation and it is said
that one day the Skyline will rise again.
Chapter 4 “The evil one”
After many months of harmony there will be a
disturbance. Steve, Compton, and Cozmo23, will come
across an enemy so evil, so diabolical that his name
will send chillz down the spines of every man women and
child. The one they call Clopez will forever
become an enemy of the O7AH. It is said, Clopez will die
a horrible death, it is only a matter of
time.....Fucking Clopez.
Chapter 5 “The false chosen one”
There will be a young traveler discovered by the O7AH.
He was thought to be the chosen one. He will be very
sick and have little skillz in the art of battle when he
arrives. The O7AH will take him in and train him for
many months, showing him all of their many talents they
turn him into a fair warrior. Then he will turn against
the O7AH and join with their sworn enemies the modding
nations. The betrayer will throw away his new skillz and
take up the dark magic of the modding nations and use it
for his own gain. Breaking the hearts of the O7AH the
great Nomar will sayeth “How could you betray us, YOU
WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!
Chapter 6 “The True chosen one”
It is said that the O7AH will find the true chosen
one wielding the great weapon. For many months
the one they call JsnMoore will help the O7AH in
the Great War. His legendary strengths and heroic
defense will lead the brave troops to many victories.
He is a master of the sword and has more patients
than 70 times 7 single mothers. His loyal subject
and sidekick cheezeyballs will walk with him in
the valleys and ride with him into battle. No one
is allowed to speak to cheezeyballs but JsnMoore
and the translator” Shingy. And it will be written
"JsnMoore is the best defender in the history of
objective style first person shooters.” Balance will
come to the XBL and all will be well. There will
be much rejoicing and the Lord will grin and
people will feast upon the lambs and sloth’s and carp
and anchovies and orang-utans and Breakfast
cereals and fruit bats and...
Chapter 7 “The end of The Chosen
One”
After many months a terrible event will take place. A
great summer will happen and it will upset the balance.
Some will fight on but others will be lost for many
months. At the end of the great summer the
Chosen
one will have disappeared forever. No one will know
where he went or why he left but he will not be found.
Shingy will go against Compton’s orders and search for
him, and send him Clan Mail. Compton will destroy the
mail and demote Shiny to peon. Many tears will be shed;
it will be a sad day.
Chapter 8 “The return of The Chosen
One”
After the vanishing of the Chosen one there will
be a new Chosen one. A chosen one chosen to have
even greater powers than the original chosen one.
The chosen one will come from the fiery sky and his
terror will reign down upon thy. And the locust,
lots of locust. Darkness will overtake the night,
and several cows will be slaughtered. Men will be
weeping and women will be gnashing their teeth.
Even the keeper of the Gauntlet will hide his nose
in fear. The chosen one will be found in among a
battle of 4 times 4. He will defend valiantly against
thy enemies and protect that which is sacred. many
goats will be sacrificed in his honor. The chosen one
shall not hail from a gay country or any countries
controlled by the armies of the MLG or the KSI.
His name will contain letters and non-letters. He
will be between the ages of 17 and 23, but will not
own any cats. No one will call him Anakin. No one
will know how long it will take to find him but the
birds of the sky. Others will spit poison from their
lips, but the chosen one will drip magical honey
down from his teet of honor. And as it is written
balance will come to the XBL and all will be well.
There will be much rejoicing and the Lord will
grin and people will feast upon the lambs and
sloth’s and carp and anchovies and orang-utans and
Breakfast cereals and fruit bats and...
Chapter 9 “The Path of The Chosen
One
After the chosen one is found all will be well. He will
defend the base at all cost even on offense. Wielding
his weapon he will strike down upon thee with great
vengeance and furious anger, and you will know that he
is the Chosen one. The path of the chosen one is no easy
task. Some will not follow him, they will mock him and
claim he is “A Noob”. It is these times that will test
his loyalty and devotion to the ideals of the O7AH. Some
will tempt him with promises of good fortune. Even some
of his own teammates will turn against him with
betrayals and verbal abuse. He will rise against it or
die trying.
Chapter 10“Parting of the G2S”
After many years of battle the Gruesome 2 some will part
ways. Though they will not battle together from their
home country they will one day reunite on the
battlefield of XBL. It is then that they will learn to
fight without screaming at each other through the walls.
It is then that they will not become intoxicated by
earthly drinks and annoy their superior officers.
Actually it is written, when playing drunk, be sure and
let Compton know how you feel about him on the forums
and see how quick you can get the one who sucks dick to
mute you. So it is foretold that these two have a bigger
quest ahead of them than anyone will ever know.
Chapter 11“The keeper of the Gauntlet”
It is widely known that to join the O7AH you must run
the gauntlet. A small war will be fought over the origin
of the gauntlet but nothing will be settled. The keeper
of the gauntlet and peon of the clan will live in the
gauntlets underbelly and feed on small children that get
lost on their way to school. He is the one they call
Num13e12s and will challenge the leader of O7AH
hundreds of times and fail miserably every time. He will
come and go but always seek something higher than his
current state. He will lose every argument though
because it is written, In the event that there is a
disagreement between Num13e12s and anyone, Num13e12s is
wrong. (Note: If Num13e12s is the anyone then he is
still wrong.).
Chapter 12“The second coming of the host”
It is written, Always get all the host first. Then pick
up weapons. After the Gruesome 2Some leave their home
country to find better lives the host will be left
behind. For many weeks will the O7AH search through the
ancient ruins of the country Skyline for a new host to
be taken into battle and bring victory to all the
peoples. It is foretold that the coming of the host will
be swift and possibly irritable. Though the host may be
muted his host is too valuable to be booted.
Chapter 13“The First great Civil War.”
It is written that the two continents that contain the
many countries will have a great civil war. The first
Content Missouristan will go against North Oklahoma. The
O7AH will be divided and fight several battles bloodier
than ever before. All of this will be fought because
someone drops a spoon. The first battle will be fought
at a neutral outpost at lockout mountain. The battle
will be very close but Missouristan will triumph. Then
Oklahoma will strike back by Invading the stronghold of
Zanzibar.
Feeling confident of their campaign they will return to
lockout to finish the Missouristanians. Striking swiftly
they will destroy their opponents without mercy. After
killing about 50 men they will ease their attack
believing they have won. Little will they know that the
battle has just begun. The Missouristanians will fight
valiantly and rally to win by the narrowest of margins.
Chapter 14 “The Realm of Carnage”
Seeing the discontent of the warriors of xbox live, the
guardians will begin making changes. The warriors will
grow tired of the same battles and will request new
lands to conquer. Many guests will be sacrificed to the
“Great Bungie Lord” in hopes that their prayers will be
heeded. The guardians will respond by proclaiming that
a grand new land will emerge, “The Realm of Carnage”. It
will be promised that smiles will be brought to the
children, the rivers will flow with wines, and Doc P
will once again feel youth in his bones, but such things
will not come to pass. For in these lands something
impure will rise. The land will be unclean and madness
will thrive. Good men will forget themselves in anger
and insanity will take over. The alliances of the red
and blue tribes will break, and even old friends will
view each other as enemies. All but the most corrupt
will be banished and the remaining warriors will be
forced to trudge through ceaseless battles. The darkness
of the Realm of Carnage will spread across the great
fields to other battlefields as well. And banishment
will occur where it never had before, for it is said
that “those who fight in the Realm of Carnage will be
marked until the end of their days.” The warriors of
xblive will storm to the great forum of “The Bungie
Lord” and outrage will exist there until the guardians
smite the Realm of Carnage from the plains. Crops and
cattle from this dark time will be burned to cleanse XBL
of all memory of Carnage, and this is the cause of the
First Great Famine.
Chapter 15 “The lost son of Skyline”
Long after the Clan of Skyline will disband and join
O7AH, one will remain behind. For many moons he will
wander the lands of xblive alone. He will disappear from
memory and many will believe that he had been taken in
by the evil armies of MLG or KSI. Tales of
his journeys alone will not be kept, though many will
claim to have seen him from time to time in the mists of
Backwash in a sumo suit, feeding on the remains of
guests. They will say his head will always be bowed and
he will seem to be wandering aimlessly, perhaps
remembering the days of Skyline. He will not emerge
until a fortnight after the Great Host is lost.
Eventually, the love of Nomar will bring him to abandon
Skyline and join the O7AH, and he will spend many merry
days in the mountains of xbox live, though the Devine
Website will elude him for far longer. For as the last
active member of Skyline he will be cursed with the
“brand of Skyline”. Which will never allow him to fully
enjoy the membership of any other clan, and the love of
Nomar shall pass to another, and will leave him scarred
hereafter. Though, he shall never again wander the
swamps of Backwash alone.
Chapter 16 “The Gathering”
The time will finally come for the members of O7AH to
gather and discuss important matters live and in person.
It is said that a great party shall cover the globe and
O7AH will be the centerpiece of the party. The weekend
will be spent in the consuming of land alcohols and one
of the overlords will suffer a great wound around his
head. After suffering the wound, he will disappear and
be declared dead only to rise the next day. The leader
of O7AH will house the members of O7AH after the great
party, but not before the trials and tribulations. It is
written that there will be a great battle that is blown
way out of proportion and many will be angered during
the battle. This battle will be like none before because
it will happen in a man's living room and not on XBL.
Words will be said and elbows will be thrown and
separation will occur. Threats will be passed down with
forked tongues and multiple misunderstandings will
abound between a head figure of O7AH and those who are
close to him in his real life. In the end, a staff
member will see his real life blow up due to things his
Halo 2 friends did at the gathering but his choices will
already be made by that point...and his allegiance to
O7AH will be unquestioned.
There will be a second gathering. This one will have
much less animosity to it and be much loved by everyone.
The 2nd gathering will all culminate with the
announcement of a new staff member live to the masses
and it will be the quintessential moment of O7AH. There
will be consuming of enough carbonated beverages to fill
the Red Sea at the 2nd gathering and a great barbecue
that will fill the atmosphere with a great black cloud
that smells like hot dogs and hamburgers. There will be
a great battle that takes place at a place called "Blood
Gulch" and an intense battle that will result in a
profanity filled tirade in the map called "Hang em
High." For it is written.
They will
know the Missouristanians have hid 50 extra men in the
secret room of death and they will pour out of this
Trojan hoarse and destroy the northern Okies. The war
will end abruptly, and the rebuilding process will
begin.
Chapter 17 “Tides of Fate”
Long after the clans began as two
after they joined as one
Long after the O7AH was created
after Skyline was done
Long after the new maps were introduced
after Backwash had faded
Long after they played Team Preview
after head-to-head frustrated
Long after O7AH fought Darkman
after the famous soul-eating
Long after the Great Olympiad
after the terrible St. Louis beating
Long after Liquid and Nomar’s love
after fun was made of the Nerd who was Super
Long after Cowboy picked up a second gun and a fat chick
I am a stormtrooper
Long after MLG plagued the lands
after Sergio fell to Assfest 97’s guest
Long after superbouncers ruined every level
after standby and modding spread darkness
The dawn of Halo 3 will come
And with it new light shall spread
Those who poisoned the lands before
Will be tortured till they’re dead
The MLG, KSI, and the like will be taken
their mouths and eyes will be filled with Drain-o
The Cheaters and Deuchebags will be lined up
and Thrown into Reading Volcano
Chapter 18: The Great Journey
The great journey shall be made by every member of O7AH.
It is a simple journey to follow and has been laid down
by the overlords and their cunning staff. The great
journey will start at the beaches of Zanzibar where one
will take the purple chariot known as the ghost and take
it to the invisibility tower and take upon them the
characteristics sometimes associated with “The
Predator.” From there, one will take themselves to the
Leap of Faith at the metallic rock level Ascension and
leap over the edge and know that the ledge will be there
to catch them. They will grab the rocket launcher that
will lead them in to battle and hit the great air lift.
The air lift will carry them over great lands and rivers
until they finally land in a land once called “Blood
Gulch” but will eventually become known as Coagulation.
They will find themselves in blue side caves waiting
with others who are awaiting refreshments so that they
can become refreshed. Once refreshments occur, the
longest part of the journey shall begin. They will leave
the cave for the famous “Cars of Headlong.” When finally
arriving there, they will drive the cars to the great
jump and attempt to infiltrate the guarded building with
the cars. If the member is not gaining access to the
guarded building with the car, he must continue until
finally having a successful attempt in to the room. Once
inside the building, he must drive the car until
arriving in Terminal where he must at once leave the
car. The member who makes it this far must show
willingness to die for their cause and sacrifice their
lives to the Train of Mercy. Once the Train of Mercy
ends your life and if you have successfully given your
life in a just cause, you will find yourself surrounded
by green walls leading to a blue lift. This is what is
considered O7AH's Heaven. It is the Room of Death and
only the truest of warriors can gain entry to this room
through death. The Great Journey is long and perilous,
but once made, it cannot be undone and you are truly a
part of the greatest clan in all of the land as well as
the truest warrior of the great barriers of XBL.
Chapter 19 “The End and New beginning”
There will be many signs of the end times. The guardians
will post many updates on the progress of “The great
movement” Many people will guess on when “The great
movement” Will occur, but it will not be known until the
great Guardians say it is so. “The Great Movement” will
be a happy time but will be costly, for the great taxes
to pay for “The Great Movement” will be great in number.
It will be an exciting time, but also a sad time. For
there will be many changes, some good some not so good.
Many will rejoice that they have finally completed “The
great Movement” but others will complain and shout with
anger at the guardians and turn away to the darkness of
the underworld known as WOW. Others will go back to
their nests in the Swamps of backwash and hide in “The
Realm of Carnage”. Some will even travel all the way
back to the place before the first movement and
rediscover the ancient artifact known to many as “The
Pistol”. Though these few will not accept the new gift
of the guardians the vast majority will rejoice and sing
praises. Many classes will be missed and calls of sick
will be made. Thousands will line up before midnight to
be the first ones to make “The Great Movement” IT will
be a new era with new adventures, battles, and a New
Prophecy will be found. The new prophecy will have
better graphics, sound, and processing power, and it
will be done.
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